Euphemism for the political novice

This post is written for the sake of the political novice who has just joined politics and may not know certain hidden meanings of phrases commonly used by top politicians. Please bookmark this page as it will be updated as and when new material surfaces. 

Hopefully with this guide, we shall groom a group of future politicians who will be  as savvy as the present batch and hopefully they will continue the great tradition of Malaysian politicians ..

 This is one of the few areas where Malaysia can probably be in the top five of the world and the top ranking should make all of us proud..

WHEN

  •  you want to chop someone — reshuffle
  •  you are forced to patch up with your enemy — unity plan.
  • Patch up with an enemy with great influence – Greater Unity plan.
  • talking about your enemy — he is still my friend
  •  you want to stab him at the back — he is still my friend but principle more important than friendship
  • you want to stay on despite vote of no confidence — still have unfinished work to do for community and country
  •  you renegade your earlier promise – circumstances have changed
  • you want to call an EGM to challenge the top — democracy at work
  • you want to stop the top  from calling an emergency since u have the support of the CC —  following the provision of the party Constitution
  • you want to reappoint an old and veteran member – we need experience
  • you want to promote a young supporter — party renewal process by  injecting new blood
  • getting your own son appointed as CC — meritocracy at work
  • your enemy appointing his son to the CC — nepotism
  • you want a position — not fighting for position (position is not important) but fighting for principle
  •  you want to stop someone taking your position — “just say aloud you want my position lah,  i will let you have it.”
  •  you overstay your welcome — community needs me
  •  a policy is announced — (even when you have not read about it) this is a people friendly policy
  • the same policy is being withdrawn — the government has people’s interest at heart.
  • to bodek you superior – he is a conscientious fellow
  • when you change side and want to abandon the same superior — he has no conscience
  • you wish to travel overseas on public money — to-learn-first-hand study tour for the benefit of the rakyat
  • you jump from one party to another — abandon the dark forces and join hands with the good
  • your enemy jumps from one party to another – he is a ‘frog’
  • lost in a party election – some dark forces sabotage me
  • win in a party election – democracy at work. or The better person wins
  • all seem lost and party positions are being withdrawn by top leader — cry aloud and use lots of tissues in front of the press

34 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. wassup
    Nov 19, 2009 @ 15:26:47

    when sticking with the party that is irrelevant — trying a Dr Hsu’s antique.

    Hehe…

    Like

  2. disgusted
    Nov 19, 2009 @ 17:30:25

    watch first and during a factional fight, join the winning side and make sure you use your tongue effectively like a boot licker (good example Ti Lian Ker from Kuantan). Make sure you join the winning side.

    Don’t forget, get close to the top leader like a lap dog and always syand just behind the president to get good publicity and Notice, of course.

    When “goodies” and appointments are made, you then stand a good chance to be a “effective ball-scratcher.”

    Like

  3. disgusted
    Nov 19, 2009 @ 17:36:14

    If you are a wanita novice. Never mind. If your senatorship is going to expire, make sure you openly support the president who appointed you because you can “extend” your senatorship.

    More important as a novice, you are a senator and also appointed as deputy information minister.

    Never mind, your name may sound like a “sakai” because you are siding the powerful side. Make sure you get the information bureau chief cos it will lengthen your own publicity. Never mind you know nuts about what to dissemination. Just praise the president and condemn his rivals. After all she is the propagandist, chief and all.

    She maybe a sakai in mindset, but the post and sel-interests matter most. It’s called “sakai survival” in the jungle of politiking.

    Like

  4. pilocarpine
    Nov 19, 2009 @ 18:10:43

    hahaha…. MCA euphemism.

    any from gerakan?

    Like

  5. Dr Hsu
    Nov 19, 2009 @ 19:32:43

    pilocarine
    I like your Gerakan di gerakkan.. In your blog

    Cheers!!

    Like

  6. cilipadi
    Nov 19, 2009 @ 21:02:52

    Mahathir cried…long ago
    MCA chief boy and girl cried yesterday
    Boy and girl so good buddies
    Boy and girl still single?
    Can get married then
    Then, both can hugged other and cry
    Good?

    Wee makan cili, Chew rasa pedas, both cry

    Like

  7. klm
    Nov 19, 2009 @ 21:08:33

    Dr. Hsu. Nicely done. You even have Koh Tsu Koon favourite phrase.🙂

    Like

  8. disgusted
    Nov 19, 2009 @ 21:36:01

    See the PM: tell public u getting his blessings

    Your rival see PM: accused them of asking intervention;

    Exploit PKFZ: tell public they cannot do without you;

    People call you Superman: Sue them till pants down;

    Accused you have taken money: Report police to show you are innocent;

    When voted to step down: Blame your rivals for betraying you and U-turn your decision

    When cannot keep open pledge: Tell the public you have tons of unfinished work although you deliver zero for the whole year

    And most important sell your conscience to the devil

    Like

  9. cilipadi
    Nov 19, 2009 @ 22:01:18

    I am not a politician,
    but, am an elected CC member of a political party🙂

    I am just joking lah😀

    I know the party is dead,
    but, I want to resuscitate, even though I know it’s dead

    I am not joking this time😦

    Who makan cili, Who rasa pedas

    Like

  10. Dr Hsu
    Nov 19, 2009 @ 22:20:13

    cilipadi
    Gerakan is not dead yet, only half dead.. can still do a “salt fish regain life” antique…

    Elected CC because need a platform to convince party to go out as a third force, not as a politician… Have refused title, have refused chance to run for political office, so cannot be politician lah..

    Not joking lah..Must now be the most irritaiting fellow in the eyes of the top…

    Siapa makan cili siapa makan pedas.

    Like

  11. disgusted
    Nov 19, 2009 @ 22:38:14

    ha ha cilipadi, you are not chilly hot but naughty…making dr pedas.

    Better be a plant than a politician……yes, a cilipadi plant

    Like

  12. cilipadi
    Nov 19, 2009 @ 22:48:29

    Haha, I am not joking.

    Gerakan is DEAD.

    monk makan cili, dr. rasa pedas

    Like

  13. Atila
    Nov 19, 2009 @ 23:38:02

    Dr Hsu

    It like this article. Good one!

    Like

  14. disgusted
    Nov 20, 2009 @ 00:17:10

    Unfortunately you are right, Cilipadi.

    Like

  15. frank
    Nov 20, 2009 @ 00:30:21

    To behave like ‘soh chai Ee Sung’ – State of the art tactic of LKY – a tiger in the guise of a pig!

    To be subservient to the Umno hegemony – this is BN spirit, compromise begets more compromises.

    To be soft and shilly shally in demeanour – To sacrifice personally for the Chinese society and without losing its overall wellbeings.

    To kowtow and say yes to Umno, even the portrait was torn and trampled – Step backward one step, thou to see the sea is wide, the sky is clear.

    The above are some of the great philosophy of LKY and KTK…

    Like

  16. Jong
    Nov 20, 2009 @ 12:43:42

    Good one Dr Hsu, hilarious indeed!

    Like

  17. Meng
    Nov 20, 2009 @ 12:51:32

    Dr you left out my favoutite: Wife Trading.

    If I want someone’s wife what do I say to him??

    Getting itchified..

    Like

  18. observant
    Nov 20, 2009 @ 16:10:10

    Nicely written but sadly true.

    How, people strongly pursue `Honour` but discarded honour and how some politicians achieved own interest but sold out community interests.

    How possible becomes impossible and friends become enemies… What are they actually gunning for? Position, fame or wealth ? It is indeed nauseating to see these happening. What about loyalty, friendship and honesty?

    How to vote for a political party when you have top leadership fighting so viciously among themselves and how to trust them when they could not trust each others?

    Stop spinning, twisting an d U-turning. Get back to work for the electorates nowadays are wise and can see thru this deception.

    Like

  19. Dr Hsu
    Nov 20, 2009 @ 16:34:26

    Meng

    When
    the politician wants to trade anything to get position — i will do everthing within my power to serve the people.

    Like

  20. Meng
    Nov 20, 2009 @ 17:02:40

    Dr, according to Penang lang Gerakan has been cremated. Its ashes now.

    However the PR government presence is not felt on the ground. Have asked lots of ppl in the various shopping complex..all replied..same shaja, and boh siang lah.

    I was also told BN is going all out with goodies and money for the poor and this will go on up to the next GE.

    Like

  21. CYC
    Nov 20, 2009 @ 17:49:22

    Human being is the most dangerous and cruel species due to its ability to think and act. Politician is the worst kind of human being due to its ability to change like a chameleon.

    In any game, there are bound to have winner and loser. Important thing is everyone must abide the rules. But in politics, rules are altered and/or modified as and when necessary to protect one’s interest to ensure him/her emerge as the ultimate winner. Principles, honesty and friendship all can be traded provided the deal is benefits him/her.

    One feels environmental friendly when winning and global warming when losing.

    You kiss his ass when being offered position and kangtao, and you f.ck his ass hole when being fired and lose all goodies.

    You shouting slogan before secure a seat in CC but compromise for a larger objective once elected to CC.

    You whack all including charity fund while in office and showing to the world u are performing charity once retired (but in actual fact u try to wash away a little bit of your many sin)

    You say the country is heading to right direction when u may secretly secure an Australian/UK passport ready to flee when needed.

    Thou shall not seek for position and personal glory but u quietly amass sinful wealth.

    All other people who hold candle light vigil are law breakers but you are lighting up to dispel evil.

    I attend pilgrimage and am a vegetarian but i can resist the temptation of worldly wealth and fame.

    I follow religious commandment or precepts even when i try to grab power/position. I did all these for the glory of the lord or some one up there guided me to do so for mankind.

    I wrote letter of support but not give recommendation for such loan.

    My son is brilliant therefore he deserves a business loan in billions for doing nothing because the system allows it and its legal.

    I am a fighter to the Chinese community but i also need a safe temporary shelter in Australia when there is a political storm.

    U are an idiot to just fight for the benefits of rakyat without accumulating wealth in the process.

    Like

  22. Dr Hsu
    Nov 20, 2009 @ 22:17:44

    It is the idiots like myself who are able to apply for PR but never do so because of loyalty to the country, and so have to foot a big fortune educating children overseas….

    In hindsight , maybe I should be like the Minister who famously said one million is nothing ,. SHe got a PR and yet stil a MP and minister. I am sure her children did not have tp pay much for their education overseas as a PR..

    for being loyal, we do not get anything but satisfaction that we have remain loyal to the country of our birth and our choice..

    SO many of my classmates are practising in Singapore, and some became world famous in their specialty.. and these are all Malaysians… Some time I ask myself why did I choose to come back? But I have no regret.. Satisfaction that I have been loyal to my country despite all the imperfection cannot be bought with money and so on…

    That is why we are the idiotic ones.

    As for my children, I have repeatedly told them it is up to them to decide. they can come back here like me, or they can pursue their dreams overseas if they want.. Each has his or her destiny, and as parents, we cannot interfere with their destinies…

    Like

  23. klm
    Nov 20, 2009 @ 22:48:39

    Hey. Dr. Hsu. Dont feel bad. You have the sense of loyalty that you followed. No regret.

    I would have gone eons ago, except my wife dont want to go. So it is either no wife or stay back. I dont know whether i did right. It does not matter anymore.

    But look at the fun we are having. We can gripe and complain. We can write to our heart desire, without a care in the world. Try doing this in Singapore and see what will happen.

    Like

  24. Meng
    Nov 20, 2009 @ 23:04:10

    Come on Dr you are not the only idiot. We are all idiots here just like you.

    Like

  25. Dr Hsu
    Nov 21, 2009 @ 09:44:15

    Meng
    You are right. Those in Malaysia without PRs are all like us, the idiotic ones. But let us show them the power of the idiots. haha

    Like

  26. klm
    Nov 21, 2009 @ 10:29:39

    Dr. Hsu . You missed out the important word Brutus.
    Now we have brutus Liow, brutus Wee and brutus fried noodle in our lexicon.🙂

    Like

  27. sammy
    Nov 21, 2009 @ 13:14:17

    Hee!hee! you make fun of MCA-eh? Gerakan no problems internally at the moment? Think if Gerakan leaves BN, the support will be better. They had done so in the beginning but power and greed get the leaders in the end.

    Keep on writing!

    Like

  28. Nick
    Nov 21, 2009 @ 19:40:06

    Beautifully written, very funny but sadly all true. The politicians in the MCA have sunk to the lowest and I can’t see how any of these creatures can ever get re-elected in any “city/town” constituencies. No voters with any ounce of morality and decency will cast their votes for all these players. They are just grabbing at straws before they breathe their last. And now Najib is stepping in, for what? More compromises? Giving something for everyone? Sick joke. Good bye MCA!

    Like

  29. rocky
    Nov 22, 2009 @ 17:29:55

    Getting a ministership through back door = I still want to serve the people and PM wants me!!!

    by Koh Tsu Koon. Gerakan President who appointed as Minister after loosing a parliament seat

    Like

  30. meet joe black
    Nov 22, 2009 @ 19:43:33

    koh ah khoon is not an idoit, just bidding time as long as he has a role he survive.after all, where can he go?

    Like

  31. andyyong
    Nov 23, 2009 @ 16:42:37

    Machiavelli once said: “Any man who tries to be good all the time is bound to come ruin among the great number who are not good”. No wonder there is a saying: “of you can’t beat them, join them”.

    Winning a party position is not itself an end, it should be a means of achieving an end, which is serving the people. Sadly such is hardly the conviction of Gerakians nowadays.

    Like

  32. klm
    Nov 23, 2009 @ 17:50:08

    Dr. Hsu. Looks like we need to systematically develop a new generation of politicians. The current crops as seen in MCA and Gerakan are wimps with bad habits.

    Here’s my addition to this idea.

    Advise to Ambitious Politician On Philosophy, Funds and Organisation
    =============================================================

    Introduction
    ========

    Politics is about power or about ideology. If you are serious about changing the world, go for power. If your are thinking of starting a career in power politics, go for the party that can give you power, real power. Talking ideology is, well, just talking.

    Climbing up the political hierarchy needs a long term plan, money and organisation. If you are serious in politics, this is the blue print for you. Success is built on 3 main ideas, approach of gaining ascendency and power, getting the funds needed and the support organization to help you get there.

    Modern day political power comes from the ballot box. Civilised people do not use gun. Politics is about people, people and people. It is never about ideology. You must get voted within your party to position of power. You must get voted by the citizens. You must be the people’s package. What they want is what you give. Your source of power is their votes. As long as you can give the illusion that you are what they want, you have their votes. Politics is about votes, votes and votes. There are only two things that matters: Get elected (to party posts). Get elected (as Member of Parliament). Anything else is distraction. Every action you do must be reduced to votes. Votes must be the only currency you understand.

    Politics is strictly business. People who votes for you are your customers. Your job is to delight the customers. Don’t ever forget this.

    A politician is a product of packaging and branding. A majority of politicians in this country do not bother to package and brand themselves properly. The few politicians are like Dr. Mahatir and Ong Tee Keat. They had carefully crafted a public image at an early stage of their political career and people knew what they stood for.

    A politician must be able to take actions that can deter an ordinary person. See survival guide. A politician must do whatever it takes. If it is a choice of hell now or hell thereafter, the choice is hell thereafter.

    ……

    Like

  33. baba
    Nov 24, 2009 @ 10:37:11

    It’s ridiculous for DPM to issue ultimatium to MCA leadership. What if they still can’t compromise within a week? Kick MCA out of BN? I believe this is good for MCA as the Chinese community will be with them for standing up to those U-MO morons.

    As for those 3 stoogies at MCA who begged UNMO to intervene the Chinese community affairs, they should just hang themselves. No one will shed a tear.

    If I were Malay, I wouldn’t vote for U-NO.

    Like

  34. klm
    Nov 24, 2009 @ 11:28:44

    I do not think it is ridiculous for DPM to issue the ultimatum. It should have been done much earlier.

    The shame is on MCA. It is ridiculous of the the scumbags to continue fighting. It is ridiculous for OTK not to slaughter them. If either one action had happened, there would be peace in MCA. When the leaderships are fighting, there will be other people fishing in the troubled water.

    Like

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