Humour

doctor-practice.jpg

Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?

rush-hour.jpg

Why is the time of the day with the slowest traffic called “RushHour”?

terminal.jpg

If flying is so safe, why do they called the airport “Terminal”?

politics.jpg

Why do we use the word “politics” to describe the process of government?…..”Poli” in Latin means “many”, “tics” means “blood sucking creatures”.

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Why do drug stores make the sick walk all the way to the back to get their prescriptions while the healthy can get their pack of cigarettes at the front?

diet-coke.jpg

Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke?

psychic.jpg

Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic wins lottery”?

broker2.gifWhy do the man who invest all your money called “broker”?

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There are certain things we need to know in life. If you want to know about these secrets, click open the .pdf file below:

there-are-few-things-which-perhaps-we-didn.pdf

……………………………………………………………………………..

Test for demetia

If you answer these 5 questions incorrectly, you need to see a doctor – you have dementia!

Answer these questions instantly without thinking, OK. Otherwise it will not work for diagnosing dementia.

Q1. You are participating in a race. You overtake the        second  person. What position are you in?

Q2.  If you overtake the last person, then you are…?

Q3.  This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it. Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?

Q4. Mary’s father has five daughters: 1 Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Q5. A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
Check out the answers:

1. If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely

wrong!   If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

2. If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person? You’re not verygood  at this, are you?

3. Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. If you don’t believe it, check it with a calculator! Today is definitely not your day, is it?

4. Did you answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn’t. Her name is Mary. Read the question again!

5. He just has to open his mouth and ask… It’s really very simple..

If you answer these 5 correctly, you are a person who have no fun at all!

……………………………………………………………………………….

Political Humour:

this is modified by a blogger Justin Choo, wise and philosophical. :

Why did the chicken cross the road?

IN THE FOREIGN SCENE:

BARACK OBAMA:The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MCCAIN:My friends, that chicken crossed the road because it recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure — right from Day One! — that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me…….

GEORGE W. BUSH:We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

JOHN LENNON:Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing the road together, in peace.

BILL GATES:I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra…#@&&^(C% ………. reboot.

BILL CLINTON:I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:Chicken shall not shit while crossing the road. This is for a green environment.

________________________________

IN THE LOCAL SCENE:
K Y LEE:We have installed crossing lights at all traffic junctions. All chickens should follow instructions while crossing the road.

SEMI VELUE:Gantry points have been set up. All chickens wanting to cross the road are advised to top up their cash cards first.

NARJIS RAJAK:What chickens? I don’t know any chickens… especially those from Mongolia.

BADAR WEE:We have to be fair to all chickens. Some want to cross over the road, some do not. …….. Zzzzzz …….zzzzzz ……. Now what were we talking about? Ah yes, chickens. We will form a Royal Commission to decide whether it is right for them to cross the road.

MAHA TAIL:Now even non-bumi chickens want to cross the road! How can they disrespect and disregard apa nama bumi chickens? We must be allowed to cross over first. It is our special privilege and no one can challenge that

ANWAR:We have enough chickens waiting to cross over in September.
LIM KIT SIANG: Come September 16, don’t chicken out!

JUSTIN CHOO: Who cares why the chicken crossed the road so long as it was roasted.

MONSTERBALL: There are chickens of all shapes and sizes crossing the road. I’ve seen them all with and without feathers!
Dr HSU: All chickens crossing the road must be clean, honest, humble, cheerful, helpful, and have peace in their hearts!
ROMERZ: Chickens are harmless creatures. Let them cross the road without harming them!

May all chickens go to heaven!!

………………………………………………………

All ABout Doctor

Let me tell you about my doctor.
He’s very good.
If you tell him you want a second opinion,
he’ll go out and come in again.
~
He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years
before he realized she was Chinese.
~
Another time he gave a patient six months to live.
At the end of the six months, the patient hadn’t paid his bill,
so the doctor gave him another six months.
~
While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said,
“Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he’s invisible.”
The doctor said, “Tell him I can’t see him.”
~
Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled,
“Doctor, doctor!! -my son just swallowed a roll of film!!”
The doctor calmly replied, “Let’s just wait and see what develops..”
~
One patient came in and said, “Doctor, I have a serious memory problem.”
The doctor asked, “When did it start?”
The man replied, “When did what start?”
~
I remember one time I told my doctor I
had a ringing in my ears. His advice: “Don’t answer it.”
~
My doctor sure has his share of nut cases.
One said to him, “Doctor, I think I’m a bell.”
The doctor gave him some pills and said, “Here, take these –
if they don’t work, give me a ring.”
~
Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards.
The doctor simply said, “Go sit over there. I’ll deal with you later.”
~
When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places,
he told me to stop going to those places.
~
You know, doctors can be so frustrating.
You wait a month and a half for an appointment,
then he says, “I wish you had come to me sooner.”

26 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Gan Teong Hock
    Jun 27, 2007 @ 15:07:03

    Dear Dr Hsu,

    Came to your blog by chance. Am really impressed, not only by your blog, but more so by the person behind! Will surely re-visit your blog more often.

    Meanwhile, I’ve an item to contribute to your “Homour” (I am not sure you’d intentionally called it “Homour” instead of “Humour”, or was it a typo error?):

    “If a vegetarian eats vegetable, what does a humanitarian eat?”

    Cheers,

    Teong Hock

    Like

  2. hsudarren
    Jun 27, 2007 @ 15:30:51

    Hi Mr Gan, Thanks for pointing out the typo error.
    Thank you for your kind words and your contribution to the Humour page.
    A humanitarian eats… let me guess….:)

    Like

  3. Koh Yat Chong
    Oct 20, 2007 @ 04:27:20

    I also stumble on your blog, just the first minutes, i am already very impressed !! THis collection of humour is really interesting.

    Will certainly follow closely your blog .

    Keep up your good work !

    Like

  4. Marco Dizo
    Oct 22, 2007 @ 20:23:09

    Hahaha! it was really fun reading your blog. especially the last part. my head hurts now haha.

    Like

  5. DR SURESH KUMAR
    Apr 11, 2008 @ 14:35:55

    HA,HA HA ‘LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE ISN’T?KEEP IT UP PAL

    Like

  6. doggone
    Jul 14, 2008 @ 05:40:38

    If you got 4100 for Q3, then I really must have acute dementia and should call for an appointment with you.

    Caught this on the web. Someone asked what was the difference between now and 40 years ago?

    Nowadays, a guy goes into a pharmacy and shouts, “Give me a box of condoms!” … and then whispers to the shop assistant, “Oh, and slip in a packet of Viagra, too.”

    Like

  7. jeff
    Jul 14, 2008 @ 08:44:29

    One right answer out of 5 , is that mean i fail? and need to go back to primary school for re-education, doc.

    Like

  8. jeff
    Jul 14, 2008 @ 08:56:40

    Recent scientific research conducted by climate scientist found that Al Gore’s inconvenient truth is over hype as our ocean doesnot rise anywhere close to 5 feets annually, n artic ice bergs do not
    melt rapidly. They concluded that he is so inconvenient by global warming due to the fact that warmer weather outside will make him sweat more, hence decrease his weight which took him so much courage and strong-will determination to reach his present significant weight, that is the main reason for his quest to denounce carbon admission into atmosphere.

    Like

  9. Dr Hsu
    Jul 14, 2008 @ 10:11:21

    jeff, one out of five , you are still not demented. Only those who fail all five may become demented…hahaha…Dont take it too seriously… it is just to catch you..

    Like

  10. jeff
    Jul 14, 2008 @ 11:16:14

    thank!it is really reassuring especially from a doctor. Old mind is losing brain cell daily! Doc.

    Like

  11. monsterball
    Sep 06, 2008 @ 15:43:27

    Thank God….comments at Justin blog….not included!

    Like

  12. Meng
    Sep 07, 2008 @ 11:22:50

    Dr I just got this in my email.

    A prominent Malaysian woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex. And she was not sure if it was such a good idea.
    The doctor asked, ‘Well do you ehjoy it?’
    ‘Actually, yes, I do in fact.’
    ‘Does it hurt you?’ he asked.
    ‘No. I do like it.’
    ‘Well, then,’ the doctor continued, ‘there’s no reason why you shouldn’t practice anal sex, if that’s what you like, so long as you try not to get pregnant.’
    The woman was mystified.
    ‘What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?’
    ‘Of course,’ the doctor replied.
    ‘Where do you think all our present politicians came from?

    Like

  13. Meng
    Feb 19, 2009 @ 10:41:17

    Another one

    Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the easiest patients to operate on.

    The first surgeon, from Singapore , says, ‘I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered’

    The second, from Bangkok , responds, ‘Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded.’

    The third surgeon, from Bejing says, ‘No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.’

    The fourth surgeon, from Jakarta , chimes in: ‘You know, I like construction workers… those guys always understand when you have a few parts leftover.’

    But the fifth surgeon, from KL , shut them all up when he observed: ‘You’re all wrong. Politicians from Malaysia UMNO are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the arse are interchangeable.’

    Like

  14. Dr Hsu
    Feb 19, 2009 @ 12:37:29

    Thanks Meng, for the jokes..

    Like

  15. Tony
    Jan 07, 2010 @ 23:39:13

    Now my day seems good again

    Like

  16. David
    Feb 01, 2010 @ 15:23:14

    News reporter returned from Kabul (in Afghanistan) in 2000, reported the strange ways of the people – especially women walking several steps behind men.Same reporter returned from Kabul in 2009, reported women still walked several steps behind men. Reporter confronted woman about this custom. Woman looked at reporter and shouted – LAND MINES !!! LAND MINES!!!
    (BEHIND EVERY MAN THERE IS A WISE WOMAN)

    Like

  17. David
    Feb 10, 2010 @ 02:33:57

    Billionaire retires, invited staff for farewell dinner at his mansion,announced giving his fortune to anyone who can swim the across his pool, noting pool infested with crocodiles. No one moved. Suddenly a loud splash and AhKow was swimming for his lifel with the crocodiles chasing him.AhKow managed to swim across pool. Billionaire handed him a cheque. AhKow said -“I dont’ wany any of these. All I want is to get my hands on the jerk who pushed me into the pool !!!”

    Like

  18. roberto
    Feb 19, 2010 @ 13:34:37

    seriously good homour, amusing. now you must be a writer? not of blogs but of something much more? no? good words and I’m coming back!

    Like

  19. David
    Feb 26, 2010 @ 14:07:21

    Farmer brought a young rooster (YR) to replace o old rooster (OR) in the chicken pen. YR ordered OR to vamoose as YR is taking over the pen and the hens. OR Rchallenged YR to a race round farmers property -winner take all !! YR cockily gave OR 5 minute start advantage. Farmer saw roosters approaching his house with YR chasing OR. Farmer took his shortgun and shot YR to pieces. Farmer muttered to himself – “Damn !! I have bought a gay rooster “

    Like

  20. Prince
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 18:03:56

    Impressed.
    Can I ask your permission to republish some of these jokes on my blog too?

    Like

  21. Dr Hsu
    Apr 07, 2010 @ 23:17:14

    Prince,
    pls help yourself. I believe in sharing things, so feel free to publish in your blog

    Like

  22. david
    Apr 20, 2010 @ 23:38:59

    Turkey tells the bull sleeping under a tree that he wants to go up the tree but don’t have strength to do so. Bull suggest turkey eat the bull’s dumplings. Turkey ate dumplings and was able to ascent. Turkey was happily resting on top branch of tree, satisfied with its achievements. Farmer who was walking past tree saw trukey sitting on tree, took his shot gun and blasted turkey into smitterins . — MORALE OF STORY: BULL SH.T MAY BRING YOU UP THERE BUT BULL SH.T WILL NOT KEEP YOU UP THERE.

    Like

  23. Dr Hsu
    Apr 21, 2010 @ 09:22:51

    good one, david.

    Like

  24. nestordfermin
    Sep 04, 2010 @ 17:28:57

    Hello, Dr. Hsu.
    I stumbled upon your blog and I say I am very lucky.
    https://hsudarren.wordpress.com is great site which has kept me hours until I have read almost half of your posts.
    Please allow me to copy some of your posts and expect my responsible attribution.
    I have to keep coming back for more readings.
    Thank you very much.

    Like

  25. Tan keng heng
    Mar 09, 2011 @ 15:18:38

    I admire yr courage in doing the right thing by quitting a n UMNO’s dominated “the end” coalition
    Previously i thought you were one of those cari makan doc trying to enrich yrself further by joining a coalition,how wrong was i!
    Our future looks bleak to me,now Pas is tying to be more islamic trying hard to regain lost ground,while racist Perkasa seems to be rewarded by its posture of Ketuanan Melayu.
    Expect the worse b4 it gets better.

    Like

  26. David Tang
    Mar 17, 2011 @ 11:02:18

    Hillibilly Joe went to neighbouring village with his donkey cart to marry young Laura. After the marriage, Joe and Laura set forth on their journey home riding their donkey cart.
    Encountering the first slope of the hilly road, donkey refused to move. Joe patiently coaxed donkey and after a while donkey moved and continued the journey. Joe went up to donkey, pointed finger at donkey’s eyes and said – “THATS ONCE’
    Same thing happened at the second slope along the route. Joe again coaxed donkey and after a while donkey moved and they continued their journey home. Joe went up to donkey, pointed finger at donkey’s eyes and said -“THATS TWICE”
    Same thing happened at the third slope along the route. Joe ran out of patience, took his shot gun and shot the donkey dead!!!!!
    Young Laura, seeing what happened, was amazed. She hysterically told Joe
    that he is cruel and should not have shot the donkey, etc.
    Joe calmly pointed his finger at Laura,s eyes and said – “THATS ONCE”

    Like

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