Humour

Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?

Why is the time of the day with the slowest traffic called “RushHour”?

If flying is so safe, why do they called the airport “Terminal”?

Why do we use the word “politics” to describe the process of government?…..”Poli” in Latin means “many”, “tics” means “blood sucking creatures”.

Why do drug stores make the sick walk all the way to the back to get their prescriptions while the healthy can get their pack of cigarettes at the front?

Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke?

Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic wins lottery”?

Why do the man who invest all your money called “broker”?

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There are certain things we need to know in life. If you want to know about these secrets, click open the .pdf file below:

there-are-few-things-which-perhaps-we-didn.pdf

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Test for demetia

If you answer these 5 questions incorrectly, you need to see a doctor – you have dementia!

Answer these questions instantly without thinking, OK. Otherwise it will not work for diagnosing dementia.

Q1. You are participating in a race. You overtake the        second  person. What position are you in?

Q2.  If you overtake the last person, then you are…?

Q3.  This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it. Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?

Q4. Mary’s father has five daughters: 1 Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Q5. A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
Check out the answers:

1. If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely

wrong!   If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

2. If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person? You’re not verygood  at this, are you?

3. Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. If you don’t believe it, check it with a calculator! Today is definitely not your day, is it?

4. Did you answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn’t. Her name is Mary. Read the question again!

5. He just has to open his mouth and ask… It’s really very simple..

If you answer these 5 correctly, you are a person who have no fun at all!

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Political Humour:

this is modified by a blogger Justin Choo, wise and philosophical. :

Why did the chicken cross the road?

IN THE FOREIGN SCENE:

BARACK OBAMA:The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MCCAIN:My friends, that chicken crossed the road because it recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure — right from Day One! — that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me…….

GEORGE W. BUSH:We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

JOHN LENNON:Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing the road together, in peace.

BILL GATES:I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra…#@&&^(C% ………. reboot.

BILL CLINTON:I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:Chicken shall not shit while crossing the road. This is for a green environment.

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IN THE LOCAL SCENE:
K Y LEE:We have installed crossing lights at all traffic junctions. All chickens should follow instructions while crossing the road.

SEMI VELUE:Gantry points have been set up. All chickens wanting to cross the road are advised to top up their cash cards first.

NARJIS RAJAK:What chickens? I don’t know any chickens… especially those from Mongolia.

BADAR WEE:We have to be fair to all chickens. Some want to cross over the road, some do not. …….. Zzzzzz …….zzzzzz ……. Now what were we talking about? Ah yes, chickens. We will form a Royal Commission to decide whether it is right for them to cross the road.

MAHA TAIL:Now even non-bumi chickens want to cross the road! How can they disrespect and disregard apa nama bumi chickens? We must be allowed to cross over first. It is our special privilege and no one can challenge that

ANWAR:We have enough chickens waiting to cross over in September.
LIM KIT SIANG: Come September 16, don’t chicken out!

JUSTIN CHOO: Who cares why the chicken crossed the road so long as it was roasted.

MONSTERBALL: There are chickens of all shapes and sizes crossing the road. I’ve seen them all with and without feathers!
Dr HSU: All chickens crossing the road must be clean, honest, humble, cheerful, helpful, and have peace in their hearts!
ROMERZ: Chickens are harmless creatures. Let them cross the road without harming them!

May all chickens go to heaven!!

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All ABout Doctor

Let me tell you about my doctor.
He’s very good.
If you tell him you want a second opinion,
he’ll go out and come in again.
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He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years
before he realized she was Chinese.
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Another time he gave a patient six months to live.
At the end of the six months, the patient hadn’t paid his bill,
so the doctor gave him another six months.
~
While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said,
“Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he’s invisible.”
The doctor said, “Tell him I can’t see him.”
~
Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled,
“Doctor, doctor!! -my son just swallowed a roll of film!!”
The doctor calmly replied, “Let’s just wait and see what develops..”
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One patient came in and said, “Doctor, I have a serious memory problem.”
The doctor asked, “When did it start?”
The man replied, “When did what start?”
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I remember one time I told my doctor I
had a ringing in my ears. His advice: “Don’t answer it.”
~
My doctor sure has his share of nut cases.
One said to him, “Doctor, I think I’m a bell.”
The doctor gave him some pills and said, “Here, take these –
if they don’t work, give me a ring.”
~
Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards.
The doctor simply said, “Go sit over there. I’ll deal with you later.”
~
When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places,
he told me to stop going to those places.
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You know, doctors can be so frustrating.
You wait a month and a half for an appointment,
then he says, “I wish you had come to me sooner.”